Well I managed to sabotage another relationship. Having NVLD is a rough wave to ride. Especially dating in 2016. When I got mad I made a stupid mistake, and posted about it on social media that was the tip of the ice berg. Forgiving myself day by day.
What I have learned is that for a woman like me who has this severe learning disorder is to take things slow. I can sometimes be impulsive. All I can do is correct my pattern and change the error of my ways. At 32 I still don’t know what I want or what the hell I’m doing.
Some positives are I’m finally taking the driving lessons, and moving forward with my independence even it means doing it alone. Life is a journey and it’s filled with lesson after lesson. I am ambitious and I keep going until I make an accomplishment.
I’ve dealt with so many emotional hardships and challenges that I can’t even accept the good that I have which is a serious problem. Non-verbal learning disorder is too much to explain. But for me my weakest point is communicating clearly and I’m very scattered brained, and have a hard time seeing the big picture.
As I explained in a previous blog I was diagnosed at 28 so my decision now is to just be myself and not date. This person I felt like was good and true and everything I was looking for. I can’t feel that way again.
For now I need to grow into my adulthood, get my license, find a job, and try to stay afloat for as long as I can stand.
In life there are many challenges. Depression is a battle that I know well and it’s not easy. I’m looking at this time and space as a gift to fully embrace change, and learn to love every part of myself even the bad parts.Healing and self-love is a journey.
Life is a long exam, and there’s no pass or fail, I feel like it’s all about how you surf through the waves of events. Writing as always been something I love and now that I’m out of the funk it’s time to be free and raw. Maybe I’ll even help someone along the way.
Late blooming is my specialty and that’s okay. I know I’m a lot to handle and that may not be everyone’s cup of tea. But that’s life! I also need to be find the balance of letting loose and being more down to earth.
I express myself better through writing and verbally expressing myself doesn’t come easy. It’s a constant work in progress. The fog of depression has returned but I am the only one who can manage it.
I want a full happy life. I want my driver’s license, I want to find a job where I can go to and be fulfilled. I want to release the fear of being myself around others. I want for once to pay attention to my intuition and not dismiss it and be blinded. I just have to trust that things will work out. As long as I have family, and good friends I’m still rich.
Life has bit me in the ass once again I can’t blame no one but myself. I’m taking it take as a lesson.. There’s so much fear brewing up in my mind. I need to be careful of my thoughts because I should know by now that thoughts are powerful.
Recently gone through another lesson of allowing my insecurities taking a turn for the worst. Currently taking my driving lessons, and I’ll admit I’m still a little fearful of being behind the wheel. But I really need to let that shit go.
At my age it shouldn’t be that serious. I have been through many things and driving is something that I have to do. Being afraid is not gonna fly, last year I was allowed to be afraid because of the challenges I’ve endured with my health.
This is my fucking life and it’s time to take charge. My mind can sometimes go dark and it feels like I can’t get anywhere. I know I am responsible for my happiness, and confidence. Somehow I got lost, but it’s time to get back on track, and find myself again.
Time to take care of myself and not get distracted on the way. I have lost focus in some ways and I’m not as sharp as I used to be, but it’ll take time to grow out of the haze and get to a place of common sense. So it’s time for me to unlearn negativity and learn positivity.