NLD AND ME

So my internship is going by quickly and I’m counting down the days until March 16th arrives. NLD stands for Non Verbal learning disorder. It affects every thing I do in life, and looking from the outside in it seems like I have an annoying and off putting personality when I don’t mean to be. Here are the symptoms that I deal with, and then I will discuss  on how it can be emotionally draining and can sometimes mess up an entire day.

 

  • Great vocabulary and verbal expression
  • Excellent memory skills
  • Attention to detail, but misses the big picture
  • Trouble understanding reading
  • Difficulty with math, especially word problems
  • Poor abstract reasoning
  • Physically awkward; poor coordination
  • Messy and laborious handwriting
  • Concrete thinking; taking things very literally
  • Trouble with nonverbal communication, like body language, facial expression and tone of voice
  • Poor social skills; difficulty making and keeping friends
  • Fear of new situations
  • Trouble adjusting to changes
  • May be very naïve and lack common sense
  • Anxiety, depression, low self-esteem
  • May withdraw, becoming agoraphobic (abnormal fear of open spaces

 

NVLD (Non verbal learning disorder) Also effects organization, and visual spatial issues. SO! Here we go. My life has been filled with absent mindedness and challenges. It’s still very difficult for me to separate my personality and this invisible learning disorder. I have suffered from depression and suicidal thoughts. But something inside me wants to keep going no matter how down and out I feel.

But I am blessed to have family and friends who love and want to see me succeed.  I have been also dealing with a major health challenge in which I was diagnosed with last year. It’s called PSC it causes issues with skin, bile ducts, and the liver. It also causes chronic fatigue which can affect my function through out the day. So since August of last year I have been interning in early childhood at a day care center.

Lately my learning disorder has been flaring up manly when I’m timid and anxious. I can move too slow and seem like I’m withdrawn. It hurts to sometimes not have control especially when I know people are constantly talking about me behind my back. I try to do everything that’s asked of me.

I also try to be a team player and help get things done. One incident that happened recently. I cut someone off during conversation while they were giving me instructions. I know I have to apologize for that.  I sometimes say things without thinking and it causes problems. I am late bloomer to a T and still learning the ways of the world.

It doesn’t help a damn bit, that the NLD causes me to lack common sense and it never fails to put myself in an embarrassing situation.  I need to find ways to learn common sense so I can stop setting myself up.

NLD and my anxiety, plus my health challenge has me wanting to avoid life in general because I get so closed up and shut down when I get even the slightest judgement. It goes all the way back to grade school up until high school of being bullied.

But now I know it’s up to me to heal from the past and find out who I am despite my learning disabilities. YES it’s fucking painful to deal with no doubt! But I still feel like my story will be used to bless and inspire others. My goals are to have a better grip on mastering common sense, listening and thinking before speaking, and building confidence.