Things have been going okay for the most part and sometimes I feel like I am going through the motions to get through the week. PSC is a horrid illness that can’t be seen outwardly. It causes me to be very exhausted but now I’m finding balance so I can live a normal life-like everyone else. But depression is something I’ve been battling since I was 10.
But lately I’ve been asking myself what is normal even mean anymore? My whole life I just wanted to be validated and accepted from others. I am in 30’s and nowhere near where I want to be.
Depression is something that has been exhausting me for years and years. It’s not easy to overcome. Depression can hurt those around you, but it’s not intentional. I know life has to happen.
Lately I’ve been wanting to date, and I ask myself is it time? Should I put myself out there and risk getting hurt again. Should I unconsciously bring up past issues into a current friendship? My intuition is not as strong as it used to be. My health has been on a roller coaster.
If someone does come along I want to be emotionally available but me having a big heart I will be open to friendship and not force anything. If that makes any sense. The mind is a powerful thing. Depression feels like you’re in a bottomless pit and your world view can be blurry.
Sometimes I wonder how can someone be optimistic all of the time!? I tried that myself it is exhausting. But life can be adventurous right? So I’m determined to make the best of it and continue to work on myself.