NEW LIGHT

Things have been getting a little better, so  with the latest  treatment  I got the stint removed and didn’t have to get another one put in. Which is great news!! It doesn’t mean that the episodes won’t go away but it’ll be less of a hassle with the bile ducts having an issue. I have noticed a difference, and lately I’ve cut out cranberry juice and just drinking water. I don’t have as many ulcers and the fatigue only happens when I’m busy and don’t take breaks.

Whenever my symptoms flare up I do feel horrible, and depressed but then I get happy when I don’t have them at all. I really need to put forth more effort and socialize. The more I isolate myself the more I miss out and that’s no life to live. In recent years fear was my best friend. I held back and always looked for validation outside myself. It’s still a journey finding it within myself that I’m worth it.

The lesson I am learning is strength and hope go hand in hand. I want a full life and want it to be adventurous  and I have to realize I can’t keep having this magical thinking that it’s going to happen over night. My whole life things didn’t happen the way I wanted to. I’ve always had to work harder than most, it was never a straight path, when I was in middle school this is what I thought: I’ll graduate from high school, graduate from college while living on my own, meet someone, get married and have kids.

That was the life I was longing for and in that order. Shit! maybe my struggles are meant to inspire others, so who knows? Until then gotta continue to move forward and have faith that things will continue to get better.

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