The Nightmare Continues

So it’s been several weeks since dealing with Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis. I’ve been out a couple of weekends, and it’s been nice to escape. The symptoms have been more frequent and it’s so damn hard. Some chronic illnesses are viewed as invisible and it really irks me that people don’t understand that type of pain. I’ve had a lot of flare ups lately, and it’s not fun.

I still can’t get over the fact that I had to drop my intern, and I don’t do too much anymore. It’s gotten to the point where I only eat twice a day because it hurts to be full. So I have a small breakfast, and a smoothie for lunch and then dinner. My stomach keeps me up all night, and I feel out of it during the day. It’s like I’m in a constant haze and never know what it feels like to be truly aware.

It’s about to get a little gross, and I’ve been coughing of phlegm and it’s been mucous city over here. No fun at all and it sucks so bad. Then when I wake up in the morning I have this soreness in my stomach, and I can’t tell if it’s gas pain or what. All I know is that it fucking hurts!

Then there’s the depression and my mind grows tired easily, and I can get anxious rather quickly. Like today I found out I won’t be getting any refund back from my school because I dropped a class, and had to pay a fee. Luckily I’m blessed to have a work from home job, family, and friends who support me. It just gets so hard, and sometimes I drift into the dark corners in my mind. Me being the geek that I am I use Star Wars as an analogy to help me get through it.

Final thoughts: PSC is horrible and awful and I wish there was a quick fix to get rid of this pain. I was able to get an earlier doctor appointment, and its next week and hopefully they can pinpoint exactly what’s going on. I really hope that I can get some answers.

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