PSC (MY WORST NIGHTMARE) /my journey

I have been dealing with health challenges for as long as I can remember.  Recently I have been diagnosed with Primary Sclerosing   cholangitis. It’s a disease where the bile ducts are blocked, and can cause intense stomach pain, among other problems. I also have liver issues as well.. (DOUBLE WHAMMY)!!!

Before all of this  I would get out a lot and hang out with my friends, but lately my new diagnosis has been taking an emotional tole on me. I’ll admit I’ve been a horrible friend because I’ve been in my own little world. That must change and I’m hoping that I can have one week with no stomach pain I would try to get out more. Staying in the house won’t cut it, and my lack of motivation is not helping. Before all of this happened my father passed away and a year later my liver inflamed and my enzymes were up high. I had an MRI,  a biopsy, and an ERCP. Worst summer ever. I got better and was able to go back to school. Then a year later in April 2014 I lost my birth mother that broke me too. After a few months my health was like an elevator. Fast forward to November I started noticing pains they would start and stop and didn’t re-appear until last month.

Even though my birth parents are gone I have my immediate family who are very supportive.I’ve been changing my diet and I’ve been gluten free for about a year and a half now it does help and I don’t get common colds anymore which is great! That’s something to be thankful for. When I went to the doctor last week he told me that I will have to take what’s called CA 19-9 to make sure no cancer cells are found.

Trying very hard to wrap my head around this new nightmare and frankly I’m tired and scared shitless! Writing is my only outlet right now. Getting better emotionally, socially, and spiritually are my number one tasks. Thank goodness my second class is online that will keep me busy. I have a lot of fears as to what my future looks like, but I want to graduate from college, be a successful writer, have a husband, and a family. I’m scared that those things  might not happen, and I’m just being real about how I feel.

My fears are:

• Wasting my life because I’m always worried about what others think about me
• Not having my own family
• Being too dependent

I’m writing this not only to vent, but to inspire someone who is going through hard times and maybe help others that are. I’m not sure why I’m still here after everything I’ve been through with my health, but writing is something I love to do. Good health and happiness to everyone.