Nostalgia Friday time!!!(Nerd edition)

As this week comes to a close I would like to say T.G.I.F.  I remember being a kid in the 90’s and looking forward to T.G..F. on ABC. The line up was always great. The show that holds dear to my heart is Boy Meets World, as an adult I still remember most of the character names. Cory Matthews, Tapagana Lawerence, Shawn Hunter, Eric Matthews, and Morgan Matthews, of course there is Mr. Feeny. I watched a lot of TV growing up because I was mainly shy and weird. I did have a few neighborhood friends.

If you remember the 90’s well cable was where it’s at!  I remember talking to some classmates about what happened on BMW. (Boy Meets World) It was like a drama/comedy for young kids. I’ll admit I did grow out of it over time, but remember catching the later seasons in high school. Back tracking a little bit I remember watching The dinosaurs as well when it came on the line up and of course Family Matters. The 90’s were a simple time before worrying about bills, and graduating from college which will happen for me next year.

I remember always being outside, playing  games mainly Solitare and Pacman on my Hewlett Packard. Those were the good old days. Now my dream is to become a professional blogger, and to earn money, possibly even have my own social network .But I digress I’m doing this because it’s a time for me to escape and remember. What were your favorite things to do as a kid in the 90’s? Comment below.

Hardships and Balance

It’s been a few weeks since the diagnosis and it’s been a roller coaster of emotions. But over the weekend I re-discovered my youth while hanging out with my friends. We were talking about life, laughing about our exes and enjoying each others company.

I’m trying so hard to stay positive through this setback, and it can be tough to deal with. My  younger sister, will be graduating in May we were supposed to be done around the same time. But yet again I’m put behind and it hurts like hell.  I have been having issues with this for years. It is pitiful I know, but I digress.

Editing my auto-biography is being put on hold because my mind is still processing this. But what lifts me up the most is comedy and music. Comedy has bought me through some really hard times in my life. However, I have had a blessed childhood nothing drastic. Just the depression was really hard for me to breakthrough. Comedy and writing as really bought me joy. I remember when I was younger, Pee Wee Herman,  Weird Al Yankovic were the first comedians. The list of my favorite comedians is a long one.

Not sure where to go from here and frankly it hurts to keep being set back and trip up again and again. It’s time for me to allow myself to feel this emotional pain, but try to turn into something positive. It’ll take some time, and I believe it is possible to overcome.

SOCIAL EVENT

Since the news I got from my last doctor’s visit I’ve been trying to get back on my game.  My friend invited me to her birthday party this weekend. Luckily I haven’t been having those intense stomach pains for the past three days. That’s a record for me so I’m grateful. Didn’t do much today but thinking a lot about how I need to use this time to get back into balance.

I normally don’t like the party scene,but it sounds like it’s a small gathering, and I’ll do my best to enjoy. This will be a chance for me to escape and celebrate with girlfriends. That is so important especially during a health crisis. I haven’t been out in a long while.  Looking forward to getting paid next month, and that’s when I’ll splurge the most.

Earlier I was looking back on my health report from a different doctor I haven’t been exercising, doing acupuncture or going to bed at the same time nightly. So besides the writing taking care of my emotional health is important too. Being stressed is what triggers my inflammation.

Maybe I’ll do a report after the party and write about how shy and reserved people like me can survive at parities. It just really depends on how it’s panned out.  What I have learned is I keep wasting time and allowing my fear to have more power. That’s dangerous because the more fear I have the quicker the illness will progress. I don’t want that so I’m looking forward to Saturday to be the wild one for a change!

PSC (MY WORST NIGHTMARE) /my journey

I have been dealing with health challenges for as long as I can remember.  Recently I have been diagnosed with Primary Sclerosing   cholangitis. It’s a disease where the bile ducts are blocked, and can cause intense stomach pain, among other problems. I also have liver issues as well.. (DOUBLE WHAMMY)!!!

Before all of this  I would get out a lot and hang out with my friends, but lately my new diagnosis has been taking an emotional tole on me. I’ll admit I’ve been a horrible friend because I’ve been in my own little world. That must change and I’m hoping that I can have one week with no stomach pain I would try to get out more. Staying in the house won’t cut it, and my lack of motivation is not helping. Before all of this happened my father passed away and a year later my liver inflamed and my enzymes were up high. I had an MRI,  a biopsy, and an ERCP. Worst summer ever. I got better and was able to go back to school. Then a year later in April 2014 I lost my birth mother that broke me too. After a few months my health was like an elevator. Fast forward to November I started noticing pains they would start and stop and didn’t re-appear until last month.

Even though my birth parents are gone I have my immediate family who are very supportive.I’ve been changing my diet and I’ve been gluten free for about a year and a half now it does help and I don’t get common colds anymore which is great! That’s something to be thankful for. When I went to the doctor last week he told me that I will have to take what’s called CA 19-9 to make sure no cancer cells are found.

Trying very hard to wrap my head around this new nightmare and frankly I’m tired and scared shitless! Writing is my only outlet right now. Getting better emotionally, socially, and spiritually are my number one tasks. Thank goodness my second class is online that will keep me busy. I have a lot of fears as to what my future looks like, but I want to graduate from college, be a successful writer, have a husband, and a family. I’m scared that those things  might not happen, and I’m just being real about how I feel.

My fears are:

  • Wasting my life because I’m always worried about what others think about me
  • Not having my own family
  • Being too dependent

I’m writing this not only to vent, but to inspire someone who is going through hard times and maybe help others that are. I’m not sure why I’m still here after everything I’ve been through with my health, but writing is something I love to do. Good health and happiness to everyone.

LONG TIME

It’s been a very long time since I’ve written a blog on here. I gave up due to lack of site traffic, so I decided to start up again. I am using this time to heal and get better. In between time I will write, I see that there have been new changes to this site which is great. I am definitely getting on board, and to write. In my next blog I will be showing my favorite gluten free restaurants where I live and give a review for those that are gluten free, or that just want to give it a try.

On Monday, I will be going to a writer’s workshop, to get some tips on my manuscript, and to maybe even start on a new one. I may even discuss my learning differences on here for anyone that has it or just wants to learn. Today I will be spending time brainstorming or using the ideas I have discussed on here in the past and try to be consistent.